You ever watch a sitcom or a movie and see miscellaneous people meandering about in the background. Walking and interacting every now and then. Not in a significant manor but just enough to add to the overall feel of the scene. To give it some realness. Those people are called atmosphere. They're the little touches that round out the scenes of life. I am such a person. Nothing truly remarkable happens directly to me, unless you count child birth and that wasn't even that spectacular. (Oops, I'm knocked up! I'm being admitted today? I'm being induced now? I'm to small to push him out? You're slicing through how many layers of skin, fat and muscle? Eew, you are going to rinse the little bugger off before you show him to me, right? I can go home now? I LOST 40 pounds?! Coool.) I am always a supporting character at best only being a part of the "good stuff" when pulled into it.
I am atmosphere, adding a moment or two of poingnancy, objectivity, laughter, or unneccesary ludeness to situations dealing with those I see as "main characters". Try as I might, I just can't seem to transition from "atmosphere" to "leading lady". I should, if no else does, see myself as a star in this sitcom called life. Shouldn't I? I've been in a shell most of my life and its cozy and comfortable in here. I'm all alone in my own little world and it's OK cuz they know me here. Atleast that's how I used to feel. This shell is cramped and suffocating. It's choking off any possibilty for me to grow and it needs to go. But how? How do we change the perception that others have formed of us if we can't even change the perception that we have of ourselves?
That's me in the back
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